What happens?
When the captain of the ship gets highly drunk and gives wierd instructions to the crew on the ship?
When the pilot feels like jumping out of the plane when it has just taken off?
When a driver goes crazy when the car is in midst of a highway?
To find out, Read On my 50th review.
Here go some of such gentlemen who keep on getting crazier while they are driving their respective vehicles.
Dev Anand:
Dev Saahab, aap kitna hilte ho?. But that’s not an issue here. First of all you make movies. Then your near n’ dear ones title them ’masterpieces’ and call you a ’showman’. When we watch the movies, we have to save our grace of intellectuality by calling the movies masterpieces or we will be titled fools for not liking a showman’s piece of work. Why such harassment, dear sir? Do we deserve it? I agree that you are an ever green, ever young star. But don’t you see the box office collection of your movies? Still where do you get the finances from to make these movies err I mean masterpieces?
For starters here are names of some of his highness’s masterpieces.
Awwal Number: Cricket gone terribly wrong.
Main Solah Baras Ki: So what if the heroine doesn’t look like one.
Gangster: Watch the gangland from Dev sir’s vision.
There are many more. Yes he made some good movies at the starting of his career as a director like ’Hare Rama Hare Krishna’. But later his over confidence had him by his neck and gulped his brains wholely.
Guddu Dhanoa:
A Sunny Deol fan who tries every way to make Sunny look like a Super Human. Even in a movie based on Shaheed Bhagat Singh’s life, we have Sunny as Shaheed Chandra Shekhar Azad who makes an entry with a bang by fighting the local goondas who try to get nasty with freedom fighter women. Mr. Guddu, when will you know the limits of cinematic liberties. From all his movies only ’Shaheed’ was a okay dokay movie. But even it was overshadowed by the brilliant ’The Legend Of Bhagat Singh’. Before Shaheed, in each n’ every movie, we could watch cars bursting out in air for no reason at all. The hero fighting like a mentally retarded tiger. Heroines dropping in for item numbers. And yes I missed out, the story line which must be invisible. In most of his directorial duds, we will find the same story. The hero’s dad gets caught in crime. The hero revolts against the society and becomes a criminal. His father commits sucide or is killed and the hero takes revenge. (Salankhen, Ziddi, Elaan)
His other masala includes
Aflatoon
Goondaraaj etc etc....
Sohail Khan:
Sohail: Brother, I am bored of wife and home.
Salman: So what have you thought? Another marriage?
Sohail: No. No. How about my entry in movies for a change?
Salman: Certainly. Why not? I will star in each n’ every movie of yours. But I will select my outfit for myself.
Sohail: Done. And I’ll direct the movies with you and Arbaaz. Oh! sweet brother, what would have happened if you weren’t there?
So Sohail started his career as if going for a walk in the park. Yes, he gave a hit. It was called ’Pyaar Kiya To Darna Kya’. How it became a hit? Only Sohail can answer this question. Then he wrote a script which nearly every top actor in the industry including Salman refused.
Sohail was hurt. He asked, ’’Sallu dear, How about me making a debut as a hero?’’
Salman (with a blank face): Hey bro, what a brilliant idea? Three actors cough... cough... in one house! That will make our’s the second largest family of heros after the Kapoors.
So Sohail wore his acting shoes and a director’s cap and made something called ’Maine Dil Tujhko Diya’. And public ne angutha dikhaya.
His other games of destiny:
Auzaar Remember a wooden board flashing ’BORDER’ on the Indo-Pak border in one of the fight sequences?
Hello Brother A triangular love story between a cop, a gal next door and a ghost.
Raj Kumar Kohli:
The brand ambassador of an enterprise called ’Worst Movies’ This director is hell bent on deceiving the logics of the viewers. Kahani mein twist hain. I mean his movies in whole are twists. These movies twist everything from the story of the movie to a logical presentation to the viewer’s brains. He makes his son Armaan Kohli the lead character and all other mega stars the side actors who get bashed or saved by the hero.
His blockbuster’s:
Qahar Here Armaan Kohli saves the side heroes Sunny Deol & Sunil Shetty from the clutches of the villians while Ajay Devgun dances with Ayesha Jhulka.
Jaani Dushman Serpant (Armaan Kohli) converts himself into a man and seeks revenge. He goes on a killing spree as whole of Bollywood (ranging from Akshay Kumar to Aditya Pancholi become victims.) How original?
Veeru Devgun:
He made a single movie. But still qualifies for this list. How? Watch the movie called Hindustan Ki Kasam’ Ajay Devgun in a double role. One writes novels when the other one commits crimes as stated in the novel. How? Whatever the second one is going to do is dreamt by the first one. To add to this confusion there is Amitabh Bachchan as the narrator. He has lost his one arm in the war. What happened is one of Pakistan’s soldiers hurled a grenade in air. Mr. Bachchan caught hold of it. The bomb exploded in his hand so he lost one hand. Am serious. And there was a funny song too where both Ajay Devguns face each other singing ’Main Hindustan hoon. Tu Pakistan hain.’ (I am India. You are Pakistan.) So pals does he need any more recommendation for this list?
Mehul Kumar:
This man hit it big with Krantiveer which worked due to Nana Patekar’s performance. Then he gave us many examples of how movies must not be made. His movies contain some common factors of one or two superstars, some patriotic dialogues, a social plot and handling of the plot gone all wrong.
His social dramas:
Tiranga (Antic Rajkumar matched psychic Nana Patekar and they fought against terrorism.)
Mrityudaata (Amitabh’s come back movie where Amitabh’s voice echoed in empty theatres)
Kohraam (Amitabh & Nana Patekar’s fight against terrorism. Save us, Lord.)
Saawan Kumar:
The king of melodramas. His movies are always based on extra martial affairs and who is whose son/daughter? He too takes a big star cast and each time makes a bigger bore than his previous movie. Forget about the movies. Even the trailors of his movies get boring at the first rush on television.
Mother 98 Rekha’s daughter figuring out who is her father. One out of three men is her father. Jeetendra, Rakesh Roshan & Randhir Kapoor are the men in question.
There are many more but errr... cannot recollect the names.
(Contd. in comments... Sorry but had to.)