I was hell bent on finishing a book which I was stuck with. Has it ever happened with you all? Or its only me who is infamous for this.
In fact I was attracted to this book when I was working. At that time I really needed these tips to be less burdened. But once started, my reading got hampered by many other important and immediate works. So I kept it half read thinking once I resume reading again it will not take much time to finish. However, when I picked it up again the tips given in the book did not seem to jell with me.
The book has an interesting title: The Art Of Saying No by Damon Zahariades.
In fact, at first I thought the book was just right for me as I do have a problem of saying no at work as well as home. I know it is important to say no to save time, energy and resources for my own priorities. I got into making this mistake of not saying no pretty long back in life before realising it’s quite futile to say yes to everything. In fact I used to wonder how some people could turn down other’s request for help with ease.
The book is divided in four parts. First part tells you why it is important to say no. What is the psyche behind the habit of not saying no. The second and third parts give tips and strategies of how to say no. The fourth part illustrates how to say no to your friends, family, colleagues and even strangers. But most significantly it has a chapter on how to say no to your own self which I think is the root tip one must focus on.
The book at one point bogs you down with all the no-nos. I agree with the writer that it is important to say no so that you are not taken for granted, your personal time is not unnecessarily encroached upon and you are left with ample space to prioritise the things you want to do for yourself or the time you wish to spend with your family. But I do not agree with the reason behind the habit of not saying no as per the writer.
He gives his own example stating that he was a people pleaser with low self worth. By helping others he felt included or accepted in the society of friends, relatives and acquaintances. I do not agree with this generic inference. I have seen many people who help others just out of kindness. It’s their nature. They are the givers in society who give their time, energy and resources for others happily.
Secondly and more importantly the belief in karma prevents us from saying no to helping others. It is believed by many that today if we refuse to help others, by the complex karmic principle, we may not receive help in times of our own needs. This is completely overlooked in the book. But I don’t blame the author for this exclusion because this philosophy is so religion and country specific.
So are certain illustrations given in the book about how to react and say no to members of your social circle. Some of these are simply no-no in our case. For example, if we tell someone that we have stopped helping others as a rule we may land up being disreputed as unsocial, unhelpful and unkind. Of course it does not mean we cannot or we do not say no but it has to be done very tactfully without offending your close ones, especially, the elders.
The book is written from the perspective of a society where individual liberty is placed high. While our society is also catching up with such norms it has still not completely given away all its ancient values and culture.
You may like to read the book as a self help guide book if you choose to. But again the tactics given in the book have to be employed keeping in mind your social customs and norms of behaviour.
Happy reading.