This is possibly the worst action movie ever made, but in the end I am still going to recommend it. Why? Because it is so bad, it is good!!!
Plot
There really is not much of a plot, Frank (Jason Statham) is the Transporter, a man who will get any package from point A to point B no questions asked, a nice service for various criminals. He has 3 Rules:
Rule #1 Never look in the package
Rule#2 No names
Rule#3 Never change the deal.
In the beginning of the movie Frank is transporting 3 bank robbers to Avignon ( the film is set in France) in his really nice BMW. He spouts off his rules at various points during a decently filmed car chase, here we get to see Frank’s unique skills as the Transporter. This has nothing to do with the main story, but it provides good background.
Frank is then visited by a man who I call the ’’French Columbo’’ he is supposed to be a French police officer but you cannot understand what he is saying 1/2 of the time, the other 1/2 just plain doesnt make sense, but he is kind of the Transporter’s friend but at the same time he is suspecious of Frank’s activities (any idiot can see that Frank is the Transporter) but this cop is’nt just any idiot.
After this Frank gets another ’’transporting’’ job a package that is being sent to another part of France. He spouts off the 3 rules again and takes off with the package, We are about 15 minutes into the movie , and this is where it all goes down hill. Frank in the next 10 minutes breaks all 3 rules!!! He looks in the package (breaking Rule#1 to find a woman (played by Qi Shu) inside. As a result of breaking the rules, the people who received his now opened ’’package’’ sent him another package (breaking rule #3) which has a bomb in it. Also along the way 2 cops are placed in the Transporter’s car and are blown up when the bomb goes off.
Frank survives this and goes back to perpertrate some whuppin on the people who sent him the bomb, this leads to one of the funniest stunts I have ever seen, and a cheesy fight scene with awful music. Frank manages to leave the scene in a diffrerent car (The movie never bothers to explain how he got back to the bad guys hideout in the first place) At any rate the woman who had been the Transporter’s package originally gets in Frank’s car for a ride. She manages to get into the back seat of the car unseen, all the while being tied hand and foot to a large office chair and gagged... I ask you, how did she open the car door handle to get in? Not to mention how does she lean forward to get into the car? her getting in that car broke about 3 laws of physics ( I guess this movie likes breaking laws).
After all of this, he takes the woman back to his castle (a nice place) and tells her she can leave. She of course doesnt and, instead starts a love affair with Frank. (he also asks her what her name is, breaking Rule#2). She also tells him that there are many people in danger and will he help her? This starts another hour of bad music, the gayest fighting scene ever, (Frank rolls around in oil shirtless, and squirms around with 4 or 5 bad guys.) In that scene he stomps off a bicycle’s pedals, and starts kicking behind with those! It was terrible but still very funny!
Acting
Jason Statham looks like he is carved out of wood, this is good for his physique, but bad for his acting, He does most of his own stunts, but some of them seem slow. He also poses a lot, which is again, unintentionally funny.Qi Shu is annoying and her character makes no sense. I beleieve the French inspector guy was hired for a bottle of cheap wine, he was terrible and sounds drunk. If there was such a thing as a ’’Can O’ Bad Guys’’ this movie bought 20 of them and spread them out, they are very non-descript.
Special effects The car effects and chases are good, but not very realistic, the fighting scenes are downright over the top. They tried to be original but they instead look incoherent. The last 10 minutes of the film are absolutely unbelivable (cartoons are more realistic).
Music
The Transporter features some of the worst soundtracks ever. It sounds like they took a keyboard, and played three notes over and over for much of the fighting scenes.
Why to watch
The fun in this movie is to pick the gaping holes in the plot and dialogue. I have watched this movie 3 times and still marvel at the ineptitude of everyone. The plot holes are so large that you end up cracking up laughing. The music is so bad you end up laughing, the acting is so horrid...Well, you get the idea. This movie would have been a great comedy....if it was supposed to be a comedy. All in all, The Transporter is like a nasty car accident, it is horrible, but it is hard to turn away from.