I’m not going to spend a lot of time praising theONION.com. It is absolutely irreverent, non-politically correct, and its targets are anything that moves (and in some cases, like dead ex-presidents, that don’t move). I first discovered it several years ago while in Denver, where I saw free copies of the print newspaper at St. Marks coffee shop. After reading a few of the headlines and mock news briefs, I was hooked. I’d like to be able to relate some of the early ones to you, but this is a clean website and needs to stay that way. Rather, I’ll just post a few of the more recent ones that will easily pass Standards and Practices:
Secretary of Defense Humiliated as U.S. Credit Card Rejected
Series of Serial-Killer Killings Rocks Serial-Killer Community
PALATINO Alpha-Bits: Alpha-Bits Now Available in Serif Font
Supreme Court Judge Told to Take Down Tip Jar
And a couple of full news briefings:
U.S. Changes Motto to ’’America...We’re Gonna Make You Smile’’
WASHINGTON, DC—After a focus group determined ’’In God We Trust’’ to be ’’boring, ’’ the U.S. introduced a new motto Monday: ’’America... We’re Gonna Make Ya Smile.’’ ’’We feel the new motto projects a more playful image for the nation, ’’ State Department spokesman Marlon Harris said. ’’This new slogan tells the world that America Is Fun Country.’’ Harris added that ’’E Pluribus Unum’’ will be replaced on all currency with ’’U.S. Fever—Catch It!’’
Reagan Pyramid Nears Completion
SIMI VALLEY, CA—Slave manpower was doubled this week in an effort to ensure that erection of the gigantic Reagan Pyramid remains on schedule to be completed in time for the 40th president’s mummification and ascension into the Afterworld. ’’Only the most gigantic tomb ever created will be worthy of the Great Communicator, ’’ former Reagan Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger said. ’’As his mortal subjects, it is our holy duty to provide Reagan with a burial commensurate with his stature, in order that he may enter the Realm of Death bedecked with raiments and honors so that he may take his rightful place beside the mighty Sun God, Ra.’’
As you can see, these probably aren’t for everyone, and of course, they’re VERY U.S.-centric, so the humor probably doesn’t travel well. However, for those like me who become very tired of the constant media attention to every small detail of life (after all, 24-hour cable networks have to make a living, and the only way to do it is by constantly rehashing the same stale news), it is a welcome breath of fresh air. I eagerly look forward to what this small team (which recently moved from Madison, Wisconsin to New York City) has to say to America. Thanks, guys! You really make my day.
Cautionary Note: theONION.com isn’t for those who are easily offended, as there are a lot of sexual and scatological references in some of their materials. And it goes without saying, it isn’t for children.