Since it’s my duty to advice everyone on how to use and do things and I have more tips at the tip of my finger than most, here’s my set of tips for proper ATM usage and also proper grammatical usage.
There are several techniques one can employ at the ATM machine. Each one is more complex than the other and involves loads of skill and perseverance. Let’s analyze them:
*First the serious technique: *
Make sure the humanoids standing behind you aren’t peeping
Slide your card into the slot(right side up)
Enter your pin number(4 digit number which they give you and which you easily forget)
Choose Language
Choose your account
Type in the Amount you need
Slide the card in once again for verification(some ATMs dont do this)
Listen to the sounds and watch the money slide out
Grab it. grab the card. wait for the THANK YOU message and leave
PS: Do not stick the PIN number on your fridge or on a Post It in your cubicle.
*The Rajnikant Technique*
Flick out your card
Throw it in the air
Watch it twirl in slow motion
Flick a comb from your back pocket and style your mane
Take out a pistol and shoot the card
Catch it in your mouth(the card not the bullet)
Apply for new card as this one’s destroyed
*The Amitabh Bachchan Technique*
Slip the card into the slot and wait for the first question
The question is’Hindi’ or’English’
Use your first lifeline to answer this(phone a friend)
The friend says Hindi
Now you have to decipher the next question as Hindi isn’t in your resume
After asking the dude behind you to translate, the next question is’Savings or Checking’
You use your second lifeline and eliminate Checking
Two lifelines later. the ATM machine asks you what’s the amount you need. you enter 10000. WRONG ANSWER. YOUR CARD IS CONFISCATED. NEXT!
*The Cyrus Brocha Technique*
Drink lots of coke
Wipe your nose
Take out your card and wipe your nose with the card
Slip it in(for some reason the card slides in quicker. thanks to the lubricants)
Tease everyone standing behind you
Hit all the buttons at once
Blow up the ATM machine.
*The Caveman Technique*
Scr*w the card
Break the ATM machine with your club
Take money
Leave
For more techniques. write to CITIBANK. c/o CITIBANK. PO Somewhere.
~peace~
PS: I love these advice topics