Ways to survive the Hostel life!
For all those that lived in a Hostel in some point of your life I am sure you realize that this sentence does not do justice at all. Sure it can describe the first few weeks, but calling the life one lived in a hostel survival would be such an insult.
My first introduction to the Hostel life was in the first yr of undergrad. It was more a house than a hostel really! We were a mere 10 girls thrown in together in this gigantic house, and expected to live together in harmony…(harmony is the last thing…is’nt it?)
Yes I can go on and on about the Ragging, more mental than physical, I think the boys get it worse physically! The awful awful food, and the lack of food(our cook quit….never found one after….lol) the gossip about seniors(never about juniors….will come to that later…u’ll see)
But most of all I remember the reason my hostel life ended(it lasted a mere 6 months). So one night(it was a usual weekend night …when it started!) we girls were sitting and drinking(GASP! yes it does happen in girl hostels too!) and it was all fun and games.
Then one Drunk(damn her) started sobbing about how her Boyfriend is a jerk(SURPRISE! haven’t we all heard that one before) and started to cry. To pacify her we gave her a little more to chug, and then her best friend in the process on consoling her, stated getting emotional(uffff the drama). One by one before we know it, everyone was emotional (something hormonal …I’m sure!) about something or the other, boy friends, missing home, pressure of exams blah blah blah….
With emotions, more booze was thrown at each other, music was getting played louder and before we realized, the poor ORIGINAL drunk was standing on the terrace wall.threatening to JUMP!
And Lo and Behold…standing there was Madam Princi.! After a bout of screaming and lecturing, we were ordered to see her in her office the next morning…I think she realized that you cannot talk to a bunch of drunks (hey that can be a saying, like the Bhaise ke aage been bajana{playing the trumpet to the buffalo}– Drunk ke aage baat karne ke barabar [Its like talking to a Drunk]. © Shalini!)
So next day 10 Pretending-to-be-sorry faces, landed up in the office, and were told that the hostel was closing as they could not be responsible for us anymore after all that we had done! (I may have missed mentioning we were caught twice before trying to sneak out – OOPS!) (Also this is why we didn’t gossip about juniors in hostel….we didn’t get to have juniors…we were kicked out…damn)
Well what brought me to write on this topic? It started with an idle mind, looking for something to do, so I went on Mouthshut, read a few reviews, found the Living in Hostel topic, and proceeded to research some hostel humor (cough *Google cough)
After toiling thru a million pages, I decided to compile a few pointers! So for all you NEW hostel-ites out there, please feel free to use this review of mine to freak out your roommate, this is of course presuming that you got a GOD-AWFUL roommate.!(not to be used for a good room mate those are hard to find- Incase you get one—Chain him/ her and never let them escape!)
There are many a ways to scare your room mate, The Silly Willy Ways, The oh-I’m-joking-NOT ways and then there are the always popular Wicked ways(a MUhahahahaha moment)….Here I present them to you in a much simpler form…Read on!
*Disclaimer: These are from the INTERNET - Not me suggesting them(phew!)
*THINGS YOU CAN DO!
Call him/her Mommy
Sacrifice vegetables in the middle of the room*
Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
Laugh a lot
Cry a lot
Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It’s spreading, it’s
spreading."
Every now and then start twitching violently and scream "Snakes, snakes!"
Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn’t have done that to me."*
Make a voodoo doll of your roommate. Kill it.
Fake a heart attack.
Complain that your elbows, knees, and other joints have been bothering you. Get a screwdriver, and pretend to "fix" them.
Hide under your bed, Twitch a lot and mutter, "They can’t suck my brain if they can’t find me!"
Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that your feet hurt.
THINGS TO DO TO YOUR ROOMMATE!
*Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You’re back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes.
Tell your roommate, "I’ve got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can’t remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!"
Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks
Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can’t answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you don’t trust your ceiling.
Keep some worms in a shoebox. When doing homework, go and consult with the worms every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms that they’re stupid and they don’t know what they’re talking about
Tell your roommate on a daily basis that s/he is projecting negative karma.
When talking to him/her, alternate between being exceedingly polite and disgustingly rude every sentence.
Leave your room and lock the door. Proceed to bang on the door, screaming, "Let me in." Get mad at your roommate for locking you out.
AND THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS!
Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you’re doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon."
Whenever your roommate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.
Scratch your head a lot. Pretend to eat the lice you find. Offer one to your roommate.
Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh, my God! Where the hell am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don’t know what s/he is talking about.
When you walk into the room, look at your roommate in disgust and yell, "Oh, you’re here!" Walk away yelling and cursing.
So go on Try it.and let me know How it works out!
Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the consequences. Please contact oops@youareresponsible.com in case of any mishaps, or if you are severely beaten!