A naïve and shy girl, leading a comfortable life in her sheltered environment (her biggest show of independence was going around in blueline buses or going to surajkund with friends) was suddenly thrown into the big bad world of HOSTEL LIFE..
Well not really bad, just the complete opposite - have to do everything myself - wash clothes, iron them, even dust and sweep the room at times!! WHAT?? The food is not cooked according to my tastes and preferences now..sob sob (mummy, I don’t want to have karela and tomato in gravy!!)...err..local buses, shuttles, sharing the loo, getting irritated with my roommate, managing accounts independently..so much of work..so much of tension..i have to do it alone…..I DONT LIKE HOSTEL!!
Celebrating festivals together, going for movies at all odd times, studying in a huge group (err...more like chaos), singing and dancing whenever a song is played in someone’s room, cribbing about mess food, sharing confidences and memories with roommate till late at nite, playing badminton till 3am and attending 8 am classes..sleeping in those classes, friends, colleagues...I LOVE HOSTEL!!!
Hostel means freedom. Hostel is independence. At home, you wanna rush back to campus, at campus you wanna rush back home (mainly to eat!!) Hostel also makes you understand yourself - it makes you discover aspects of your personality which you never thought existed. Being with the same people 24hours a day - studying with them, eating with them, partying with them, playing sports with them, listening to music with them...its just THEM.
The biggest insight/lesson you will extract out of your years in hostel will be ’people management’ - understanding and learning how to deal with all kinds of people.
Depression occurs when you start understanding the depths ..or should I say, lack of depth in people. Yes, you will meet people who are shallow, who are opportunistic, competitiveness and who don’t give a damn if you are hurting as long as they are winning. I am talking from the point of a Postgraduate college where the ultimate aim of the students is to get the best job offered on campus. There will be people who will not only step but pound on you to reach a level higher. So what do you do? Do you use the same tactics? NO WAY - why should you stoop down to their level? Just because they are insecure and under confident does not mean you compromise on your ethics - ‘cos you’ll also meet people who are generous, loyal, supportive and make you feel like you are their family. Hostel is a place where a closeness develops – you are away from home and the people in your hostel are the closest to a family you have in the college.
What you have to really achieve is a balance – learn the meaning of friendship from those who are gonna be with you throughout…and learn the art of being smart without being cunning because of those who are gonna try to pull you down. Remember you are not being a doormat nor are you being a timid mouse by not reacting to them, but you are being subtle and also showing the strength of character.
Ofcourse its not only those people which lead to depression – there are times when you feel that none of these people understand you as much as your friends at home did, when you get sick and tired of sharing your room with the same person, listening to the same people discussing the same issue, coming back after classes to the same room which is in the same mess as you had left it in the morning….. You feel lonely!!! Yes, there will be times when you want nothing more than the comforting words of your mother, the lectures from your father and the pranks played by your siblings. In your depressed and homesick state, what you completely overlook is that you have a family of your own in your hostel. For every instance when you feel that you are alone will be 10 moments when you’ll feel like an essential part of a huge family.
And most importantly you have to remember that you are there for yourself. You have to play the role of your sensible and disciplined (and err…economical) father, of your sensitive and pampering mother and of your sister who listens to all your problems and gives a shoulder to cry on.There is this beauitful poem I believe in which has really helped me...
When you are bored and lonely, wanting to talk to someone,
When you look at the sky and want to share the stars with someone,
When you feel you have no one,
Remember you are always with the one person who will never leave you, be there for you, you can rely on,
Remember you have that someone
Remember - you are with YOURSELF...
One thing you’ll realize as the time in your hostel comes to an end…no one knows you better than your friends in hostel – they have seen you in every mood – your ‘good’ mood your ‘bad’ mood, your ‘silly’ mood, your ‘snarling’ moodthey know how your hair can look if not shampooed for 4 days and they also know how you love to eat rice with jam!!!and the best part is THEY ACCEPT YOU that way (one reason could be ‘cos you know the same about them..hehe).
The students you meet have their own insecurities, their own fears, their own loneliness and homesickness to deal with – on the surface, everyone appears unconcerned, extremely happy to enjoy the freedom they have got – but inside, they are like you. Sure, the whole trick is to be comfortable the way you are – about the person you are, about spending quality time with yourself. About learning to strive a balance between your priorities.
The entire crux is about equilibrium - between enjoyment and priorities, between dependence and independence and between yourself and ...yourself!!
To be real honest, I love being in hostel….one of the major positives is the self reliance and independence it teaches you , how it shapes you for the industry, develops your personality and trust me on thing….YOU HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!...you just have to be able to have the time though...lolz...
Basically, I wanted to write about hostel life and the emotional problems one faces there..wanted to share my personal experiences with MS members, especially with those who haven’t been exposed to hostel life, for their probable brush with it in the future..it might not exactly fit into this category but since it’s a mishmash of a couple of topics, I thought this was the most appropriate place...