Before writing this review, I would like to dedicate this to all those msians who love adventure! The local buses have always been a great source of adventure for me, and it never made a difference if I was inside the bus or outside it. These buses happen to be one of the most scary experiences for me on my school days. I just can’t forget those freaky, red coloured, six legged racers which gives me the memory of those bloody vampire movies!
They conduct maximum number of strikes in one year, both the owners and workers do the strikes one after another and provides us students with the extreme pleasure of having some extra holidays. So with some heavy respect for these people, let me continue.....
Precautions:
1. Always take one step backward when the bus is approaching, or you have to do a matrix move to avoid getting hit.
2. Jump out of the bus before it stops or there is possibility of getting pushed out. This will test your reflexes as it will be only a matter of seconds because your time runs out! The diving skills can be more useful in these type of circumstances.
3. Don’t argue on the bus fares, or you have to spend a lot of time cleaning your ears. The conductors and drivers are pretty skillful in this field of ’’word life’’.
4. Never expect the bus to stop at the right place, it can be a long way forward or backward, so be prepared to run at both directions, and never make any quick conclusions. But you can also try your luck by standing at one position, one of the buses between 12 AM and 12 PM may stop at the right spot.
5. Pray for the driver (diver with an extra ’’r’’) to have some good sense that he stop racing with the other bus which just overtook yours.
6. If Mr.driver got a determined face, you can make sure that he is in the middle of a race, so don’t get into that bus!
7. Hold the bar tight, as the speed of most of the buses start at around the 80s and go upto 100, and they follow a zigzag route which ensures violent shaking!
8. Learn how to blow a whistle, because a bus rarely stops at desired bus stops.
9. Learn from rhinoceros, the art of using your strong skull to make your way out of danger, u need to get out of the bus right?
10. Never stand at the centre of the bus, or you will have to use the emergency exit to get out.
11. Keep a torch or an oxygen cyllinder with you in case of emergency.
12. If you are a student, stand at one corner with a gentle smile on your face (know that you are travelling at a low ticket rate).
13. Don’t tell your insurance agent that you are travelling in a bus, or you will never get the money after you are buried!
14. You can try asking God’s help, but I think that in this case, even he can’t do anything!
15. Beware of the fact that anything can happen at any moment, this is even worse than the situation at LOC.
The pros:
1. Running after the bus means that you don’t need to go jogging any more, and it provides a boost for the thigh muscles!
2. A rare opportunity to learn new bad words which are not even in the dictionary.
3. Learn different ways of overtaking a vehicle, useful if you are going for some illegal street racing.
4. A chance to show your great presence of mind by balancing yourself on the foot board.
5. Take a snap of you in the bus, and the WWE chairman, Vince McMahon will offer you a free life-time contract.
6. Sit at the rear end and you will automatically reach the front door when the driver use those breaks.
7. Hanging on those bars has helped me so much to improve my biceps.
8. If you got a girl friend, you can stand with her all day at the bus stop.
9. Thanks to these buses for improving my reflexes and make me a better Badminton player!
10. Learn the unity in diversity of India as you listen to those fights and enjoy!
My experience with these buses actually started from the 4th standard. I never had a good experience, but I had a good reason to pray to God, thanks to these monsters! I had to travel almost 20 kilometres every day in these vehicles and I am glad that I have survived the big challenge, atleast I am in one piece now!
If you want to sit in a bus, you need to have even better skills. Of course, you can get in the bus from the starting point, but if you can’t, just try to cover a distance of atleast two seats, with your hands. The locals always have a special interest in getting seated, so always be prepared to pounce on any opportunities.
But seating is not the main problem. The usual trouble I always had, in those crowded buses, was that I never had a spot to place my legs. I don’t know where I placed it, but I still managed to find lots of feet over my feet. But the good thing about over crowding is that you don’t need to worry about braking, because you can balance on your neighbours spine! Another positive factor is that you will get pushed out of the bus even before you can take the tickets!
You will be able to meet some of the very interesting freaks in a bus. The most interesting one among the may be a pick pocket. But the fact is that, as long as the bus keeps shaking, he won’t be able to do his job in the appropriate manner. But if some decent, patient driver is handling the steering, you need to be more careful (as long as your dress has atleast the minimum of one pocket).
There will also be a few who keeps spitting in a gap of almost five or less minutes. These people have always cost me my seat near the window. But the real ones who may suffer will be those bikers who just try to overtake the bus, and get spit on the head! You need to give them credit for spitting at the right places!
A few things to think about, while overtaking a private bus:
1. Just check if that bus is indulged in some kind of racing - if it is, don’t poke your nose between the two buses.
2. Make sure you don’t blow too much horn, and if you do, make sure that the windows are closed.
3. Above all, make sure that the bus doesn’t belong to the Cochin Corporation!
Just think twice before you get into this ultimate racing machine - do I really need to go there? isn’t it better to waste my money on petrol rather than hanging a sword over my head? isn’t it necessary to come back home with all my vital body parts? you are having a few extra teeth which you no longer need? why am I so interested in sleeping in a coffin at this hot climate, and it doesn’t even have AC in it? what will I do if the heaven is house full? Always think twice before getting into a bus!
PS: No private buses were harmed while writing this review!
THANKS FOR READING THE FREAKY REVIEW. KEEP COMMENTING