It was a classic Tuesday morning. The world was black and white, there lay beside the steaming cup of coffee a copy of the day’s newspapers lighted up by sunlight streaming into the room through slightly billowing curtains as cheesy music played in the background.
Ok, the above paragraph is false, fictitious and fake. Firstly, the world isn’t black and white. Secondly, I can’t make coffee to save my life. *(The coffee I make tastes like mud)Thirdly, I prefer rock to cheesy music and also it was raining. But most importantly, it was a Friday.
Fridays hold a lot of nostalgia for me. Friday was the day I was caught sleeping in Accounts class. Friday was the day before the day I was born. Friday was the day I poured tea on my on hair. So I sat about twiddling my thumbs thinking of Fridays and realized that Friday’s the day when movie tickets are half priced.*
So I grabbed my cell phone, grabbed a few friends and headed to the mall to catch a movie.
As I sat there watching all the trailers that come on before the movie starts, I was suddenly hit by an earth shaking, ground splitting, tsunami inducing realization. There, in the dimly lit cinema hall, surrounded by clusters of people and boxes of popcorn, a sudden flash of inspiration hit me on how I could turn that unconventional Friday into a review.
Let’s have a three part review, shall we?
5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ACTION!
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Boring Common Sense.(You can skip this)
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1. Don’t go alone. Take a like minded friend and non irritating friend who would shut up for the whole movie and leave you alone yet keep you company.
- Share popcorn only if you can share.
3. Don’t turn off your cell phone and never put it on silent. Halfway through the movie, you might realize that your cell is missing and you dropped it while walking in. If it is not on silent, you can use another phone to call your number and it will ring out loud and clear in the dark cinema so you can locate it.
4. Don’t forget your spectacles or contact lenses. Squinting at the screen is no fun.
5. Get good seats. Like, duh. Middle is best.
I can’t really think of anything else.
No popcorn throwing please.
That was boring. Now for some fun.
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Story #1
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I sat complacently in the cushioned chair in the dimly lit cinema, waiting for the movie to start. I was wedged in between two individuals, both my friends who respond to the names Doo and Poo. Doo on the left and Poo on the right.
We were sharing a bucket of popcorn. The movie started. I settled back further in my seat with an expectant smile on my face. Then I heard a whispery voice in my left ear “Ask Poo for popcorn”. OK, I took the popcorn from my right and passed it to my left. I settled back in the seat again. A few minutes passed. I heard a voice whispering in my right ear “Get back the popcorn from Doo.” I did just that. Hey, I am an angel, am I not? Another few minutes passed with me praising my angelic attributes to myself.
Then once again a whisper in my ear, this time left ear, “popcorn.” I decided that they are addicted to popcorn and addicted to torturing me. “Ok last time”, I replied and gave the popcorn. We were 30 minutes into the movie. The actor said something. Then the actress said something. Then Poo said something. She whispered loudly to me “What is going on?”. I refuse to reply. Instead I heave a big sigh and focus on the screen.
A few minutes of silence.
Poo repeated her question. I keep my silence. Then she reached, contorted and stretched her head to her left, way past me, blocking my view of the screen and told Doo, “Praveena’s not talking to me”. Doo, a bit shocked and a bit impressed by Poo’s acrobatic abilities, pushed Poo back to her seat.
I grit my teeth and gnawed away my irritation.
Suddenly I was attacked. Yes you heard right. Something flew right at my head, from behind. I turned violently ready to start screaming at the culprit. It was a 3 year old kid who threw a hard corn from a can of popcorn right at my head. You can’t scream at a three year old, it’s practically against the law. I turn around. About half an hour of relative peace. My temperament improved ever so slightly.*
As if on cue a huge buttery popcorn hit my head and got stuck to the top of my head and went sliding down my hair. Snarling like the wolf who pretended to be Lil Red Riding Hood’s grandma, I turned around and gave the kid an intense scowl that probably gave him nightmares later at night. Hopefully. I turned back, now even more irked than before.
Talk about one step forward, two steps back. I comfort myself and go on trying to fathom the happenings on screen.
I could concentrate on the movie again. Except that I have been disrupted so many times that I was clueless about the story. Somewhere in the third row, a cell phone started to ring, its happy “Merry Christmas” ring tone slightly out of sync with the sad music playing on the screen as the main character of the movie died. The man answered his phone with enough enthusiasm to make any cheerleader jealous.
He hollered into the phone with gusto, “Hello, hello!!! Yes, yes, I’m watching a movie!” Then he proceeded to bellow into the phone a minute by minute account of his life the day before and today and what he plans to do tomorrow giving such amazing attention to detail and also to scream every word into the cell phone so that the other 50 people in the cinema could be entertained by the sordid happenings his oh so not wonderful life. His cell phone must have gone deaf.
When he finally hung up 900 seconds later, my ears were ringing like Church bells, eardrums pounding against my skull, eyes popping and retracting in shock and hands itching to reach out and strangle everyone around me. I abandoned that plan after realizing that I have only two hands and there is more than one neck around me. I employed some breathing techniques, calmed down sufficiently just in time to watch the credits roll.
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Story #2
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I got into the movie hall. I enjoyed the movie. I lived happily ever after like a princess in a fairytale.Fine.
Now it is entirely up to you to determine the fate of my Fridays
Which story did you like? *
I’ll be teeter tottering on a point of high tension, stressful anxiety and fervent, easily dashed mountain high hopes until you give me a definitive answer to the above question so that I can figure out what to do with my upcoming 2006 Fridays.