My diary for the last 24 hours runs like this:
6:00 pm: As I was reading Ganesh’s review on this topic, I heard my colleague in the next cabin humming the’Ding Dong Ding dole’ number from that latest Tusshar Kapoor movie. And I thought’there goes another addition into the list.’ But amazingly it reminded me of some other’ding dong’ songs as well like.Ding a Dong, Oh Baby Sing a Song. I don’t exactly recall but it must be Jackie & Co., in Hero. For many days I had confused it for that nursery rhyme.
Even more incomprehensible is the next song – Hum hein seedhe saadhe Akshay, Akshay Kabhi Ding kabhi Dong aise Akshay, Akshay. or some crap like that with that stupid Akshay Kumar with a stupid mask in his one of his stupid Khiladi movies. What is it with this Ding Dong really? I guess it acts as filler when the lyricist doesn’t find enough words to complete the line. In fact, there was a Kannada song which went like Come onu Darling, aiyyo aiyyo Sit downu Darling, aiyyo aiyyo.Innenu kelsa nangu, ningu [what other work I & U have]Dingu Dongu Dingu, daily, Singu Songu Singu…
It was my turn to go Aiyyo Aiyyooooooooooooooooooooo for remembering it still.
6:30 pm: I left for home and was waiting to catch the rickshaw when I saw that big hoarding advertising some Pan masala. Pop! Horrible recollection. This time only it’s the Big B and the ape Govinda in Pink & Green gaudy outfits(or was it Orange & Yellow?) with that 250kg Ramya Krishna shaking her’Kamara’ to the torturous tunes of probably Viju Shah. yes friends, your guess is right. It is
Assi nabbe chutki taal, ragad ke khaini mooh mein daal from Bade miyan, Chote miyan.Disgusting!
6.37pm: The rickshaw was passing thru a Tamilian dominated area and I could hear someone playing the Rajnikanth’s hit song ’Tillana Tillana’ and I couldn’t help but remember its Hindi counterpart, the*
Deewana, Deewana.yeh dil tera deewana
Deewana, Deewana, Deewana.ooooo oo oo ** Worst frame to frame & music copy ever made. To add to it, its again another 250kg femme fetale Rambo er. Rambha dancing with 20-toed Ajay Devgan! Groan!
7:05 pm: I picked up some items at the Grocer’s on the way, and he gave me some Eclairs in lieu of small change. Another miserable recollection! it goes *
Choclate, Icecream, saari saheliyan.*
Rem this one from HAHK? The 26 something Madhuri trying to pass off for sweet sixteen.? And such boring tune. Yucks! too much saccharine already with all those goodies. Anyways, I heard that the producers did cut this song out in later prints so as to shorten the length of the movie. Thank God for that!
7:10 pm: A passing by car was loudly playing’The Ketch up song’ of Lass Tomate sisters which has become a smashing hit similar to the yester years’Macarena.’ Oh oh! But look what Anu Malik did to it Arey Baba Arey Baba kaisa hein Diwana.Dil dede dena, dil de de dena. And they say copying is an art!
7:20 pm: Reached home, poured some coffee and switched on the MTV channel by mistake. And jumped outta chair hearing Govinda go Oh Mummy, mummy, Oh Daddy, daddy, Ho jaao ready. with Juhi aunty. Egad! What had I done to deserve this punishment! This clown & that Kapoor girl probably share the undeniable record of enacting some of the worst ever songs of the industry. Examples?*
Mere pant bhi sexy, meri shirt bhi sexy.
Teri naani mari tho mein kya karoon.
Unhe cycle se jaa rahi thi, maine auto se aa raha tha.
Husn hein diwana, ishq ka fasana.
Aa, ee, uu, oo. mera dil na thodo.
Sexy, sexy, sexy mujhe log bole.*
God bless the fella who invented ear plugs!
10 pm – 6 am: The whole night I had nightmares with the some songs playing over and over in my mind*
Kudi kunwari tere peeche peeche peeche peeche
Jaatha kahan hein soniya?*
Donno which playback singer lent her voice to this one but it was perfect screeching that matched Rani’s so called dancing efforts.*
Hello Brother, brotherrrrrrrrrr.*
Help! Salman’s Ghost is haunting me.
Maal Gaadi ko Dhakka Laga, Dhakka Laga, Dhakka laga.
Yeow! Mother of all the double meaning songs! Didn’t expect Anil Kapoor to be in it.
6 am: Thankfully it was morning again. And Good Morning India. Fardeen’s song in Khushi.Song.What song? It doesn’t even qualify to be called so.
6:10 am: A rooster crowed somewhere. No, no please I don’t want to remember but. Alas! there is one on that tooMera dil bole, Kuckadukadooooo.
Now, usually all dils in Bollywood go dhak-dhak, but I suppose Madhu must have been suffering from some cardiac disorder in this case. And surely it must’ve affected her cranial system as well since she was running behind Akshay in those outlandish clothes and making lewd gestures. Third degree treatment!
6:30 am: The milkman arrives and is blabbering something about the Delhiwalahs. And what I think of is the Mumbaikars! Ho Madam, Madam, hum saare hein Mumbaiya. What nonsense of a song is that! Equally stupid picturisation.
9 am: I run to my office and during the coffee break later in the day start keying down this review.
1 pm: Catching up again at lunchtime now. But sorry guys, I cannot continue with this worst song list anymore as I’ve already ended up with a nasty headache just recollecting some of this terrible trash in the name of music. I’ve lost the count long time ago but still I would like to add these 2 before I end…
Rukkumani, Rukkumani, Shaadi ke baad kya kya hua.
Actually its fantastic music and fantastic picturization. but sadly the literal translation from Tamil to Hindi and over crooning by Shwetha Shitty has forced me to put it here.
Rang bhare badal se, in naino ki kaajal se, is dil pe maine likh diya tera naam. Chandni.
This is another fabulous song and probably many of you will select it in the best song category. Yes, it is a great song except for Sridevi’s squeaking in between. She should’ve just stuck to acting alone instead of murdering such a beautiful tune. Grr!
Hey, if within 24 hrs if one can list out so many of them, without any research and without even mentioning the worse one evers like Gutur Gutur, Choli ke peeche & andar ones, Goli maaros, Katiye pe ones and sickening remixes, there must be something terribly terribly wrong with …… eh, my taste in Music?! God, as it is you’ve cursed me with good memory but please do forgive for having attempted to write on such a ridiculous topic. Amen!