Lyricists cry themselves hoarse writing songs on sundry and inane matters like pyaar, ishq, mohabbat etc. However, this review acknowledges an impressive body of work from other ‘unsung’, ‘unnamed’ lyricists who instead write on more pertinent, albeit unfortunately largely ignored, matters viz. hens, eggs, red ties, cots, butter, noodles, pigeons, magicians etc. giving us, in the form of songs, some Simple Tips to make Life Easier.
(This topic has had some wonderful reviews by all my friends at MS, since most of the such songs have been covered in those revs, and due to space constraints, the list is limited to 12 other songs, though one or two may be repeats from other reviews)
~1
We dumbnuts simply don’t know how to store our hens and butter. Fret no more, as Nagma in Humse hai Muqabala gives practical storage tips on how to protect such merchandise from Gopalas with slanting visions.
- “Murgi churane aaya gopala, maine tokri mein rakhi hai re gopala.
Maakhan churane aaya gopala, maine handiya mein rakha hai re gopala.
Main gori chhori hoon gopala tune tirchi najariya se kyon mara?”
~2
A lady can never tell when she could get accosted by a magician named Maya Machindra, threatening to cast a spell on her. She needs to be prepared. In this song from Hindustani, Manisha Koirala and Kamalhassan teach how to deal with this common everyday occurrence.
Note how, the magician is disarmed and is invited to play a dholki, something much more constructive, instead of doing silly things like casting spells. Only thing, she has to play the flute as a return favor.
(MK): Maya Machindra mujhpe mantar mat padhna, Jadu mantar se mujhko pagal mat karna
(KH): Pyaasa dil ho to badal ho jaye mystery. Main dil ka shastry
(M): Bahon mein teri beetegi meri ratri, saari ratri
(K): Phulwari Phulwari divyadhaam ki phulwari, aaunga sab kuch le lunga
(M): Tu bhi hai mardaana, Saajana, baja le dholki
(K): Bahon mein aaja na, Sundari, baja le bansuri
~3
Life is a bitchh and this proves it! There are so many things to see, unfortunately I have only two eyes, which are unable to accommodate such a diverse scope. Jeetu and Sridevi seem to have such a problem too, in Dharamadhikaari.
(J): Roop dekhu, rang dekhu, kaunsa main ang dekhu? Mere yaar mere pyar, tujhme adayein hazaar. Ankhen do! Kya Karun Ankhen Do! Kya kya main dekhu mere yaar?
(S): Himmat dekhu, taaqat dekhu, ya main teri surat dekhu? Mere yaar mere pyaar, khubiyan hai tukhme beshumar. Ankhen do! Kya karun, ankhen do! Kya kya main dekhu dildaar?
~4
So you thought your only life was confusing mess? It is actually not. Kamalhassan is confused whether Manisha Koirala is Madonna, or Natasha. Maybe she is a fish from Melbourne. Possibly she is Zakir Hussain’s Tablas. Wait, she could be a cellular phone since she laughs like one. I mean, why leave out any possibility?
- “Telphone dhun mein hasne wali, Melbourne macchli machalne wali
Digital mein sur hai tarasha, Madonna hai ya Natasha.
Zakir Hussain tabla tu hai kya?
Sona Sona Tera chamke roop salona, Cellular phone tum toh hona.
Computer ko lekar, Brahma ne rachaya kya?”
~5
Your evening can become one big disaster when you are clad in your best red tie but have only one cot, one blanket, one pillow! No sweat! From Hum Tumhare Hain Sanam, Madhuri and Salman offer simple and effective solutions to a deadlock like this.
(M): *Galay mein lal tie, ghar mein ek charpai. Takiya ek aur hum do. Ek hi hai rajai. Sardi kaise jayegi? Kaho kaise hume neend aayegi?
(S): *Galay mein lal tie, ghar mein ek charpai. Takiya ki fikar na kar. Banunga main khud rajai. Sardi bhaga dunga, Tujhe coffee pilla dunga.
~6
When you are in the heat (I’d like to think this means summer), there usually is a storm in your breath. In such situations you must ask someone to rain love. Or else your whole body may melt away making you call out for your amma/ abba and squeam words like ooo eee aaa. This theory has been postulated by Sridevi and Rajesh Khanna in Maqsad.
(S): Hoi hoi hoi Garmi hai(RK): *Kahan hai?
(S): Sanson mein, Hoi hoi hoi Toofan hai(RK): *Kahan hai?
(S): Seenay mein. Tu pyaar ki barsaat kar, pighalne laga hai badan. Amma
(RK): Abba(S): Ooo Eee Aaa (RK): Ooo Eee Aaa
~7
Probably no automobile review, on MS or anywhere, is as extensive as this one. Jackie Shroff describes a car and Sangeeta Bijlani at the same time in Lakshmanrekha
- “Kya gaadi hai, kya number hai, kya body hai, kya bumper hai
Upar se dekho, neeche se dekho, kahin se dekho tum, Hai kya baat hai
Gadiyan toh maine dekhi hain hazaaar, Aisa model maine dekha hai pehli baar,
Arre iske injjan ke jhatke ne toda mera haath hai. Hai kya baat hai.”
~8
Important tenet in life! One must never pride his/her abilities. There is always someone better. Consider Urmila in Hindustani. Did you know, she has such beauty that can’t be found on Cable TV? The news she discloses is not even mentioned on BBC. The jokes she cracks aren’t found on MTV. Her waist has the flexibility of noodles. And careful, her needle like eyes may puncture your heart. Can anyone better that?
In the antaras of Latka dikha diya humne, she says all this and more.
Kamariya kamal si, lachak hai noodle si
Dil ko puncture jo kare, nazar hai needle si
Hum jaisi sundarata Cable TV mein nahi
Humne jo khabrein di BBC mein bhi nahi
Humne jo joke kahe MTV mein bhi nahi
Humne jo dress pehni, filmstars bhi na pehne
~9
Raise your hands those aware of the fundamentals of eggs. Hmm, like I expected, none. You are all requested to familiarize yourself with the fact that eggs are responsible for all your love affairs, by listening to Govinda and Sanjay Dutt’s “Ande ka funda” in Jodi No 1.
- “Anda jo gar na hota toh Murgiyan na hoti, Murgiyon ke bin maze ki partiyan na hoti. Gar Partiyan na hoti, toh aashiqui na hoti, gar aashiqui na hoti to zindagi na hoti”
~10
Who wants a murliwala? When does one get a murliwala? Only when your love is pure, and more importantly, only when you maintain an ample stock of butter at home. That done, nobody will have the temerity to snatch away your very own murliwala. Jayaprada, Jeetu and Sridevi were having a ménage-a-trois, in Majaal and said these golden words.
JP: Radha ke hote hue gopiyan kyon dekhe gopala?
J Ghar mein mille jo makhan to darr darr kyon jaye nandlala?
JP: Issmein kiski Majaal kahaan chhine mujhse murliwala
S: Saccha hota hai jiska pyaar, usse milta hai murliwala
(Last 2 songs in comments section:-)