Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps - Allan Pease

Adam thought ’’ She looks nice. I’ll kill animal for her and she’ll cook it and we’ll eat. Then we can do something about building the next generation.

Men and Women are different - not better, not worse...but just different.

Allan and Barbara Pease, the authors of the book, wrote it as they felt that it was only by understanding the differences that a relationship between a man and woman can become solid.The book gives men and women a lesson in loving and living together.

Expecting something that’s akin to a miracle and an eye opener, I was surprised to find myself laughing and nodding my head and introspecting. I tried experimenting with my brother and friends and found it so accurate, it was actually hilarious!!

I loved a couple of chapters and will try to give a brief summary of those - the points that I felt were the most needed and obvious...that all women that I know identified with :

Relationships fail because men don’t understand why a woman can’t behave like a man and a woman wants a man to behave like herself. A woman wants a man to understand her problems and react just the way she does while a man wants the woman to just handle it herself and get over it - the way he does.

The most common problem faced by a man when interacting with a woman is to listen. Men marvel at a woman’s ability to talk and talk and talk. They cannot figure out how a woman can jump from topic to topic without losing the rhythm or the intensity of the conversation. A woman can’t understand how a man cannot keep up with what she says.

Woman : I was going to the market and was driving when this car kept on honking and finally I had to stop and

Woman: and I went into the shop and met Meena there and we got talking about the dinner last week..did u know that her husband spent...

By this time, the man is usually lost. He wants to focus on one problem and one topic. He just cannot understand how she has reached meena’s husband when she was talking to him about the car!!

When a man talks, it is precise and concise. He talks when he has thought of all the possible solutions to his problem and he is wanting a second opinion. When a woman talks, it is to let her thoughts flow. She doesn’t talk because she wants an answer to whatever she says. A woman thinks aloud while a man thinks and then chooses his words and talks. Most men feel that women are dependent on them to solve their problems. Hence, they analyse everything that a woman says and try to give her problem solving statements in return - when all she has asked for is an ear to listen.

Woman: I twisted my ankle. It was paining and I wore heels for the party and after a while the ankle gave way.

What a woman wants to hear...and what another woman would say : ohhh...must have been so embarrassing...what happened then?

When a man has a problem, he keeps it on hold. He indexes it in his mind and leaves it there till the time. Women churn inside. Hence their need to continuously talk about their relationship and anything that’s worrying them while men want to talk about it only when the problem becomes big enough.

Men react in a manner that is diplomatic and gives a woman the scope to make her decisions...a woman wants the man to react in an empathising manner...the way she would if he told her of some problem.

Women think that talking aloud is sharing...men feel it’s nagging. Since a woman would love a man to ask him about her day and talk about things, she believes that men like it too. Men, actually, feel interrogated. Women need to understand that when a man doesn’t talk, it does not mean that he does not care or that there is some problem. It’s just the way he is.

Men want logic and prefer things while women like feelings and prefer people. Men rely on their sight while women on hearing. Hence, a man would rather see his girl look nice and notice the way she dresses or carries herself while a woman would instantly be attracted to a man who talks nicely.

A tip : Men can’t help but notice women and the way they look. Women can?t help but feel upset about it. The best thing a man can do is say ’’ hey, she might be looking nice right now, but she sure can’t make me laugh as much as u do’’

Men fear commitment primarily as they feel that they’ll ’’miss out’’ on things...never mind the fact that they never did these things when they were single.;-)...they get wary of having just one partner as they feel that probably there might be a ’’better’’ one in the future. Women, if they feel scared of commitment, it’s cos they are in the dilemma of whether it’s love or just infatuation and whether it’ll last and whether he’ll be a nice husband ( women jump from crush to love to marriage to kids to...men jump from lust to bed..lolz)

Men want to sit alone on a rock and sort out what’s bothering them. The best thing that a woman can do in this situation is NOT climb up with him but wait patiently till he comes down. When a woman sits on that rock, she wants to rest on the man’s shoulder and talk.

The book deals with various problems in a relationship - talking, listening, emotions, thoughts, attitudes, marriage, love and romance. It also talks in length about the difference in the chemicals, genes, upbringing, ancestors and sensory attitudes - all of which make us the way we are. What really makes this book difference is the importance given to the medical and scientific facts about our brains, our heart and our genes that really are what result in loads of the differences. We are supposed to be different as our brains are developed differently.

The book also gives a whole lot of tips on how to overcome these differences and in a way such that a relationship is smooth. Actually, it’s more about understanding and accepting those differences and not expecting the other person to change rather than compromising on your own beliefs and inherent attitude. And it does all of this in an absolutely hilarious manner - with one-liners, quotes and examples that make you grin.

I recommend this to every woman - to read it, believe in it and try it out..and also to underline the important parts and give it to the men in her life - no way will a guy read it otherwise..It’s much too detailed and full of too many touchy points for them!!! hehehe

A Tip : if a woman talks to you, know that she likes you a lot and if she stops talking, even if you are relieved, understand that you are definitely in her worst books!!!

And the final example :

M Friend: ok, post it...

I rest my case