My head is shaking as I write this review. I was looking over the non-current films on MouthShut when I stumbled across this movie…oh…my…goodness.
I grew up watching the TV series Wild, Wild West with Robert Conrad in the lead. Basically, the storyline always centered around James West (Conrad) and his make-up specialist partner Artimus (Ross Martin), attempting to rescue a beautiful damsel or save the world (or the President) from the clutches of an evil mastermind. It was spawned from the success of the James Bond films, and had a fun feel to it. You knew the guys involved, did not take it seriously, but just wanted to make entertainment.
Oh, but don’t we know how to do things so much better these days….
A budget of $100+ million. A high-profile director (Barry Sonnenfeld). A high-profile, and egotistical actor (Will Smth). Super advanced special effects.
It has to work, right.
Well, I waited 2 years to see this film. I had heard the rumors about Robert Conrad not wanting to get involved with the project. I had heard about the numerous rewrites, and reshooting. None of these are good signs, but I still wanted to see it.
I sit down in the theater with my wife, and get ready for a great movie to play. It never did. Instead, the theater chose to run this movie…
After the opening scene, I was hopeful. A fairly tense scene, reminiscent of the opening of the James Bond film Octopussy. Unfortunately, it went downhill after that…fast.
When we first see James West, he is in a sexual situation with a large breasted woman (I know this because the director made a point of emphasizing it), which was a bit surprising, seeing that the TV show never had anything like that. It had class. Well, anyway…
After a rather boring exit from that scene, we meet Artimus, played by the great actor Kevin Kline. He must have forgotten his lessons, though, because he took the original colorful character of “Arti, ” and removed all signs of personality. He is boring, and unfunny here.
The story revolves a megalomaniac evil bad-guy (played with typical melodramatic flair by Kenneth Branagh), confined to a wheel chair. He is a genuine evil guy. But he is boring as well.
Salma Hayak, plays Rita, who after she is rescued, is sought after by Atimus and James. She is also boring.
That’s the main problem…everyone is so bland and boring. It’s as if they all thought that a big-budget would bring big box-office receipts. Well it did not. It was one of the biggest flops in Hollywood history.
The action scenes we played off only to showcase the fancy gadgets, and special effects. No tension, or anxiety.
By the time the big mechanical spider at the end came along, I sat there thinking “Robert Conrad, I know now what you were thinking.” It was impressive enough, though it too was boring.
For families:
This movie is pretty tame, as far as violence is concerned. No bloody scenes, or anything.
The real problem is the sexuality. Innuendos run throughout. A needless shot of Hayek bare bottom, and the sexual situation at the opening, are also something to watch out for. The TV series had none of that, and was, as I stated, very classy.
I had a very Wild Wild Worthless time at the movies, and this one takes it’s place in the 10 worst films I have ever seen.