Anil Kapoor is one Yuvvraaj, albeit a little slow… Salman is the second Yuvvraaj, likes to be tickled on his chest by Indian looking girls born in England… and Zayed Khan is the third Yuvvraaj, one wanders how he got this part. Katrina Kaif is the girl, with the emphasis being on the GIRL… We have a lawyer who knows nothing about the law(Mithun Chakraborty)… We have a forever twitching Uncle in a wheelchair and an Auntie that seems to be auditioning for Whose Got The World’s Biggest Chest… make that Whose Got The Universe’s Biggest Chest… Not forgetting the Dad(Javed Shaikh) who looks younger than his eldest son… Bring in some rubbish music of A R Rahman and let Subhash Ghai loose with his HD camera and you have a final product… Yuvvraaj…
So it finally releases… one of the biggest movies of 2009… Yuvvraaj. Previously titled Main Yuvvraaj – which would have been a much better title… or saying that how about Yuvi… or Teen Yuvi… or Tri Yuvi… hey how about Trimurti… yes, yes, yes, this is the 2008 remake of Trimurti… you guessed it… no point in reading this review any further… just imagine Jackie Shroff, Anil Kapoor and Shah Rukh Khan as the three sons of… erm… erm… Bill Gates… and you have the 2008 version…
The film was made to promote the talents of a talentless Salman… instead the talentless Salman defies the views of his talented critics by producing a talented performance that can be termed as his most talented… this year for sure! Is he the saving grace of this spoilt dish… NO! Is Anil Kapoor the saving grace of this film… NO! Anil acts like he acted in Eeshwar… can someone tell this Papa of the puffing Sonam that he should be doing things different now that he is coming to the end of his life… Bollywood life I mean… for long he may live and for long we may endure his pathetic acting and botox-enhanced face…
So is Zayed the saving grace of the film… I hear you shout at me… yes, yes, yes Zayed is the saving grace of the film… he is the Yuvvraaj… he does the Shah Rukh of Trimurti and brings his estranged brothers together in the end… as if! He does nothing like that. He seems to be in the film to promote something I guess… I didn’t notice any bottles of Coca-Cola anywhere so I assume Zayed must be promoting himself… as an actor… he must have paid Subhash to make the film probably… just so he could get to act this year… but if you want to blame anybody for the Yuvvraaj disaster… then blame Zayed… he seems to get blamed for everything else these days anyway… why not this.
Subhash Ghai has lost it… and I mean that literally… he sure has lost his marbles alongside losing his mind… which he probably lost when he decided to show us how Coca-Cola was good for forgetting bad memories… yes he did that in Yaadein…. anyway forget that and lets come back to this… What in the world made him make a film about morals… who cares about morals when you have millions… make that billions… would you care about morals if you had billions to play with… especially during this credit crunch time… would you care if you were Bill Gates’ son… I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t give a toss about morals… Subhash needs to get of his high horse of morality and start making films about…. erm… lets see… how about immortality… for Subhash thinks he is immortal in Bollywood giving us this piece of rubbish to endure…
The music is more of a tribute to some now forgotten European… someone whose music you and I probably have never heard of anyway… I think it’s Beethoven… not the dog from the movies if you’re getting confused… A R Rahman has tried his best… but sometimes your best is just not good enough… my advice for Rahman is take time… my brother from another mother… do the music slowly slowly… haule haule… a ha… Haule Haule tujhko aa jaayega music banana, tu sabr to kar mere yaar… take 5 and start chillin… bro!
Just before I sign out of this review… not that I was ever in it… let me just tell you about Katrina Kaif… lovely girl… beautiful smile… killer figure… fantastic dancer… mesmerising with the handcuffs when you’re topless… and with that image in your mind… go watch Yuvrani… I mean Devrani… no no no… Katrani… no… Katraaj…. yes Kat Ka Raaj…