Enjoy the funny one liners, have a nice Sunday :)

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.