Aaaalrighty then!!!!!! It?s a Thursday evening, and our usual, office happy hour night has been cancelled? so no more boozing and patting each other on the back for a great job done. Personally I was quite heartbroken.. I would have to go gawking at the lovelies by myself.
Now One of the new hires at my firm is this Desi FOB ( Fresh of the boat) types?. On the way out of the office, my head hung low in despair I notice he is carrying a bunch of Hindi DVD?s? We get into a chat and he suggest I watch PLAN.. I think his exact words were ? ?Sir, I think this is very mast philm? (he is our new IT guy?English is optional with the techies I presume)?.
Now I?m not one for Bollyflicks? I moan and groan about the same things, that ail the psyche of the pseudo quasi intellectual lot. I will not go into the details of what I don?t like about these flicks , Honestly speaking, my vocab is rather limited, just as in the word limit we have on mouthshut for our rantings?
Let me not digress any further?. So the new chaps sells the movie enough for me, and I am on my way to a bum numbing, brain squishing 3 hours?
I have plagiarized moushshutdotcom?s review just for the names of the actors? I?m sorry mates I just don?t know them, spare Mr. Duhh!! I mean Sanjay Dutt.. I had to get the names from his review.. ( rather fine one at that)
THE PLAN: phish!!! Or the lack of it is what sets this caper on its way to eternal doom?
PLAN stars: Sanjay Dutt, Dino Morea, Bikram Saluja, Sanjay Suri, Rohitt Roy, Mahesh Manjrekar, Priyanka Chopra, Payal Rohatgi and Riya Sen (copyright, mouthshutdotcom) Now I have no bloody idea who any of these actors are save the gruff, aging.. and still unable to act Sanjay Dutt? the whole lot, kinda reminded me of the Desi version of the FAB FIVE- QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY?
What on earth is wrong with the costume department.. I think they spent the previous evening at a South Beach, coming out of the closet party for Bill Maher. Please don?t tell me the lads back home dress like that and show up in public, flaming stronger than a dying phoenix.
Any how, the Movie starts of with snippets of private lifes of the lads and how they all come together on a train journey to Bombay? By the way the damn train ride is like the orient express ?chugging along picturesque landscapes? I couldn?t figure out how many circles they took of India.. one moment they were in, what looked like Assam, then Kerala, back in the mountains, to the plains.. back through mountains? had a short stop for a dance routine in bihar and whomp in Bombay?.
Now I will try and breakdown the role of the STARS.. and also breakdown which Hollywood flicks they have blatantly plagiarized
Sanjay Dutt: MUSA.. what the hell is MUSA?HHHH sounds like Muffassa, from lion king? The dude Is old.. and unlike a fine wine he has not aged gracefully at all?. In a sad attempt except the dapper wardrobe, he is the Indian version of Trovolta from Swordfish? Dutt almost carries of the act with the clothes, but then the whole acting thing happens, and he falls flat on his face, or actually his hair.. .. PORCUPINE is what comes to mind? the pointy ends have been highlighted and stick out like devils horns.. (maybe that?s the idea)?.
Musa is pretty much the dapper don of Mumbai underworld? makes his miserable way through a pushy tart of a girlfriend who wants to get married? (things never change, do they) ? a totally buggered kidnapping, and a turf war with this poetic gangsta?A?la-desi-Tupac-shakur
Mahesh Manjrekar:.. Plays his role rather brilliantly .. except I cant figure out the outfit he is in? anybody tell the morons in bollywood that the belt he is wearing throughout the movie, is the sign for the lady butterflies ( a real bad to the bone bunch of biker chics, from Arizona) yeah it?s a woman?s biker gang belt?
Other than that, his acting was simply put fantastic? the delirium and caustic sense of poetry is in tandem with his weird persona.. I kept waiting for his scenes, the only light in this dungeon.
Bikram Saluja ? Jai -- the chap is basically a square.. A love mongrel? sappy corny pathetic.. Saluja pulls this simple role of, quite easily.. His love has moved to Bombay to bigger and better things? he cant seems to get over her, ends up getting heartbroken ? There is however some salvation for the chap? he is the only one who actually gets laid in the movie.. God bless him? only problem is, the vixen he gets cozy with, is a lady of the night? a real knockout? wrong!!!! She looks like a transvestite.. man-eater.. ugh!!.. Our simple chum here, manages to fall in love with the hooker.. MOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sanjay Suri (lucky).. is a card shark and rather good at it? only its not made believable, who on earth lifts his playing cards to his forehead for the world to see..
Also they are playing 3 card stud straight up.. There is no skill involved there? the scene when he gambles it all with the casino owner.. is straight out of Lock Stock and two Smoking Barrels.. even the shot sequences and effects are all copyrighted Guy Ritchie?
Dino Morea- Bobby-- Nice looking guy and all.. but man could he be any freaking gayer in this movie? he struts around in his peacock looking outfits.. throughout the movie.. Booby comes to Bombay with all the aspirations of becoming a big name actor.. but ends up a dudd? when he finally gets his chance after Mafioso intervention, he buggers it up by choking in front of the camera? this where Bollywood takes a potshot at the rest of us commoners? when will they stop treating the folks like a bunch of popcorn munching idiots.
Bobby does manage to score an actress, who throughout the first half seemed to be perpetually on the casting couch.
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