An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A youngman is walking by and asks him why he`s crying. The old man says, `I`mretired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day`

The young man says, `Well then why the hell are you crying!?`The old man replies, `I can`t remember where I live!`

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is nothungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. Hewanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets tothe point where he can`t stand it anymore. So he decides to try andhave sex with the donkey. He drops his pants and positions himselfunder the donkey. But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away. Onlyslightly discouraged, the man decides to try again. He walks to wherethe donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and rightbefore he goes for it, the donkey walks away again. Now the man isgetting frustrated. As he prepares for his third and final try, he seesa vision. A beautiful, naked woman appears out of nowhere. Sheapproaches the stunned man, who until recently, believed that he wasthe only person for hundreds of miles. She smiles at him and says, ``Iwould do anything for that bowl of fruit you have.` ``Anything?`` hesays, getting fairly excited. ``Yes, anything.`` she replies. So hesays, ``Will you hold the donkey!?``

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookiescooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he getsup from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies coolingon the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, hiswife`s wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

`No, you can`t have those! They`re for the funeral!`