If you have been thinking that the only and the most overrated thing about Valentine’s Day is V-day itself, you are absolutely wrong. The most hyped up thing is the supposed-to-be cute gifts boys think they are buying for their girlfriends. No. Don’t try to defend your gift with “it’s-the-thought-that-counts excuse. Cliched gifts are obviously not the result of your thinking. Don’t run to check what blunder you have committed already. No yet. Rest those expanding pupils and read on.

A bouquet of Red Roses

0/10 Congratulations on making it obvious that you wanted to spend no energy rather had no energy to spare on thinking of a more thoughful gift for her. Ask the florist, he probably sells more of those to a third party gifting it to couples on their D-day. What’s the difference! Even if she seems happy in your face, she knows it deep within that you are plain thoughtless and lazy. And, if she is genuinely happy, then it’s her first ever Valentine.

Soft Toy

You’re a true genius. How could anyone think of that! And if you have bought a red and white one with an “I Love You” tag, you are cloying, mushy and uncute. Say it, instead. Who is that teddy? Why it saying it should make her happy? If you think girls find it adorable. I am sorry to inform you, we are much more than being lame. The “Awww” that follows the gift is a premonition of it lying around on her bed until the dooms day.

Greeting Card

A love message that not only touches her heart but also leaves her silent for a while is all you need. Beep! Wrong attempt. That silence actually means that she is thinking of the right reaction to make you believe that she is happy and also makes her look pretty at that emotional moment. Unless you have painstakingly hand-made a card, Archies gifts store can’t do a thing for you. The truth is cards with hearts, ‘Love’ written calligraphically or bursting music can not save your case. You can do better!

Chocolates

Are you even dating a girl? She claims to be full in four bites and refuses chocolates on regular days. Wonder what makes you think a well wrapped chocolate parcel is going to excite her! Don’t be lazy to think of a better gift and feed her those chocolates because then you aren’t going to want her for next Valentines.

Heart Pendant

How sweet! Are you right out of a romantic movie? It is preposterous to expect your partner to walk around with half a heart pendant hanging from the neck and this seems even sillier on a man. If she is with you, she has probabaly already given her heart to you. Don’t bother with sharing hearts.

Love bug cushions

This ultra cute cushion means nothing more than a cushion. It has the shape of a lovebug, but then what is a lovebug? Spiders don’t make you Spiderman and Lovebugs don’t make you fall in love. It is an insect from the March flies family. That’s all. Really! Don’t waste money on presenting her with an elaborate bug cushion.

Couple showpiece

Let’s face the truth now. How many of you all actually go and announce your relationship to your families and the world? Not many unless you are lying. So a love showpiece will never make it to your showcase cabinet. A bride and groom figurine dancing inside a glass ball holds no value for her. She is not a five-year-old to sit and turn the key to watch them twirl. Do you care? No one does.

Photo T-shirt

Yes, right! Like having you in her life wasn’t enough. Now she has to parade around in a T-shirt with a photo of the two of you or something that says “I have the best boyfriend in the world”. Leave it to her, she can act lame according to her will. If you so love clothing, take her shopping. You will notice a drastic shift in the love ratio.

Mug

Special love-note-written mugs are totally brainless. “Be mine”, “You are the one”, “Best girl friend in the world”, and more such supposedly sweet one-liners on a cup make no sense. She won’t use it, nor will she display it out, neither will she bother wiping the dust off it while it rots somewhere.

Temporary tattoo

When you are trying to pull a Saif-Kareena act, do it well at least. Getting a tattoo? That too temporary. This signifies the impression of your relationship on you. Temporary. Those independent alphabetical tattoo stickers stuck on you chaotically cannot even impress a baby. It is advisable you don’t make futile efforts like this and rather attempt something more meaningful.

Red dress

You have bought a red dress for her! How extraordinary! You wanting her to dress like a heart on Valentine’s day is the most predictable thing to do on this planet. She is not an actress from some super corny Yash Raj Movie. If you want that dress on her, you must wear a black suit with a pinned red rose, take her to a gigantic mansion where white satin drapes will be flowing for no apparent reason and rent a chauffeur driven limousine to drive her down. Now this sounds right. Go ahead.

Ring

The day when every couple chooses to act dumb, you rock it by being the king of them all. Applaud. You’re an invincible fool. Make a day for your own celebration. Why borrow something out from the world. St. Valentine’s doesn’t even care about what we are doing in his name. Wake up and don’t ruin it for a life time. And, she might say yes on Valentine’s day because of the day and not for you. Make it for yourself. Be smart, be selfish.

Though not a gift but a major DON'T is PDA

Personally its a little creepy and not to mention sleazy. Get a room you guys! You do not want to be forcefully married off by some Nationalist Party (read: Akhil Bharatiya Mahasabha) on V-Day. :P