There are so many things undone, so many things unsaid. It seems all of this happened yesterday. Its one of those days\ time that we want to leave behind and never ever be reminded of. But It always happens the other way round.

No matter how hard we try to leave those things\ time behind they pop-up like those irritating internet ads or viruses. Some times you can block them by Kasper but then there are times when kaspersky is not updated or subscription is done.. and the pop ups become unstoppable landing unwanted ads or virus or Trojans messing ur system (life). We space out, end up in a different world where we are left alone and helpless.

Back to where I was. The day dad slept tight.

He had been in ICU for three nights. Had spent restless nights. Whenever I saw him he was blabbering sumthing. it seemed he was struggling, he was fighting. But it didnt seem it was for his life. it seemed more important than life.

He had several other roles \ duties in his life which were as important as being a father or a husband.

I've seen him since I was a kid. I am where I am and what I am and who I am for he and mum worked hard for it.

I have always had a verbal fights and equal number of physical ones. the physical fights werent the same as kill\ blood fights. I cant explain it. its sumthign one can feel nad undesrand with experience. They say when a child grows up and reaches his teen days the relations he shares with father, other, aunt, uncle.. etc cease to stop. in fact they dont stop but the evolve for good into frenship. they become more stronger. itsn ot mere respect out of relation or age.. its kind of those we share with best buds. parents become our bestest best frens but then we realsie it when its too late..

I miss all those days when he was with us. I miss those days when I would jsut get out of bed abd have tea made by him. Miss those days when I would make tea for him and mum every evening.Miss those days when kitchen would be full of all my favt dish's . actually whatever dad cooked was yummy and I guess thats the reason I can eat anythign in this world nad I dont have nukhra's like others. I loved karela (bitter-gourd) made by him. I miss those days when I could cuddle up between mum nad dad nad sleep on dads arm. Miss those days when I would get pissed seeing him drink till he's sloshed up and to add to that he would snore when sloshed up.Miss those days when he would slosh up and get my favt fish (bombil and mandeli) nad fry them for me. even if he is all that drunk he would make sure he makes those fry fish for me. I would say I dont wanna eat them for I used to be pissed over him and as soon as he would doze of nad start snoring I would start filling my tummy with those tasty fried fish and rice.

I recalled one funny instance which I never seemed to forget.. When I was in primary school.. one fine mornign I woke up nad saw a sticker stuck on my bum.. mum said dad had stuck it when I had dozed off.. for I was to ever get lost they would know how to find me.

Even if dad was pissed and I would iritate him he would always raise his hand but never land it on me.. he has never hit me throughout his life..

I couldnt hold back my tears while I wrote this. had to come to a different room so no one sees me crying. they say boys dont cry but its jsut crap.. :P

my thought process broke.. grrr