I love this topic – it has been one of the most untouched best of / worst of category topic on MS. The reasons are aptly clear – no body wants to write a review on worst reviewers of MS, thereby create any controversy / ill feelings / quibble amongst members. Instead most of us stay away from the topic itself:-) [however of course, if someone writes on this topic, I am sure half the MS would love to read it – just for gossip sake you know; natural human tendency]. Now before going any further let me clarify for once and all that I am not the best writer here, and by writing this one, I am not proving any point. I consider myself an amateur writer, and by no means honestly do I think I am a bad writer LOL *[talk about blowing your trumpet!].
Also this New Year, I had to spice up something on Mouthshut. I mean, we need to have some spice to begin the year right? Here’s wishing everyone a ‘Happy New Year’ and allow me to throw the spice in air –
Who are these five worst reviewers? you did ask. First let me classify how I classify(note the classification), the classified list of classified writers who according to me are the doomed ones. I can assure you there are plenty of them in MS – for every good writer, there is an equal and opposite well …classified writer. My list begins with writers classified in the category – ‘The Centurions’. These writers write – (O my gosh, really?), but write for centuries. Like take for example we have inane reviews written exactly spanning 100 words. If a review is lower than 100 words, then the writers ‘pad’ their reviews till 100 words. I love such reviews – neither are they informative, nor are they sensible, or do they add any value to the writer himself/herself! How worse can it get? I simply wonder why would someone waste his/her time / broadband bill / phone bill / internet bill on writing something which no body has any clue?! Note I classified these people as ‘the centurions’ – meaning, they write centuries of reviews exactly of century words. That doesn’t count people who begin with a 100 to go on 100, 000 worded reviews though! I certainly rate such reviewers as one of the classified ones;
The next classified ones are the ‘the fake masters’ – Ah, I love fake ids! I love it when people create fake ids to vent their frustration / anger / disagreement on others writing exactly opposite to them! I mean – come on how much time does that individual have – create an id, comment and then keep ranting. Shah Rukh Khan especially brings out the devil in everyone. My nasty self can’t help suspecting if the concerned writer is either(a) a gay who cannot hear anything against SRK or(b) a lady who taught SRK was going to marry her or(c) they are all fake ids of Karan Johar! * [Though I must say, the third option looks very likely and possible…. What say junta?]*. One thing about such reviewers though – they are quite simply dumb when it comes to name generation or getting caught. I can’t help it when I make out MKR from KRM or KLM from KKR or RSS from SRS.I simply smile to self then at my profound intelligence.
Carrying forward, who then fall in the next classified category? They are none but ‘the romanticists’. Quite appropriately named though; I always thought Romeo was a better romanticist than Majnu, though I am certainly wrong when it comes to their opposites. Anyways – I love such writers simply because of the inane nature of writing the classifieds possess! Written without much thought or thought, I simply feel hallowed by such tremendous display of commenting on other’s reviews too. The romanticists love(aha!) to welcome everyone with a mush-mush all around and quietly spiking. And then there are others who achieve the unmatchable skills of aggregating comments, if you know what I mean; I love it! I love it! I need a quick lesson on Letting Yourself Loose All-around in comments. Quite simply for me – avoid! avoid!
Then come the next incredible category of the ‘the controversalists’. These controversalists are always surrounded by two puppy dogs that jump to second their peer’s thoughts. I am always amazed; the puppies seem to appear only when the controversalists have(a) written a review(b) someone blasted the controversalists in comments. First of all, controversalists don’t have anything to do! Life is a pessimistic mess of gargantum proportions, and problems don’t seem to end; some how controversalits love to hate out of proportion – to the point where the objectivity of the sense loses focus and senselessness of the object creeps in(did I make sense here?). I did be happier if someone said to me that they didn’t like bananas because they had to peel a banana, and add to that, they didn’t like the color yellow. Anyways, I love controversalits – quite naturally, they don’t like places, air lines, channels, actors, actresses, movies, web sites – you name it – they hate it! I wish I could hate something so much – I am trying to learn from MS, especially those who have excelled in all the above categories, though not to much avail! Quite simply – worst reviewers again!
The next classified belong to the category – ‘the multipliers’. These kinds have a strange relation with the first categorists - the centurions. By theory, most centurions are also multipliers. The corollary to the postulate is also true; multipliers are more likely to become centurions. Anyhow, these kinds are kind of writers are runners, athletes in a sprint or in a rat race. Get up one morning – come to MS – click on top 30 – chances are one holy soul has multiplied himself / herself all over the page. I sometimes think it could be a serious design flaw in MS system, however a closer look restores sanity in MS‘s backend. And what’s worse – if a multiplier decides to have enough of it, and then your honor will never ever see them again on MS – then why write in the first place! Note that the category doesn’t include multipliers who have gone on to be come good writers though. I especially the usernames of such witty ids like rhyming numbers, nature inspired names and ids showing love for actor / actresses. Woo Hoo! I simply love ‘em. Certainly, the fifth angle to the worst reviewers!
Well that’s it for this year’s first review hailing 2004 by flushing worst reviewers hehe! And of course like a good boy on MS I too restrain from giving names! Ah, the natural human tendency – Tch! Tch!