I lived in New York for most of my life (37 year) - The thought of living anywhere else, away from loved ones and friends, was a frightening prospect. One always imagines what disasters will befall one, or tragedies will occur to the ones you love. In most cases, this feeling of dread is without merit. I guess it is just easier to remain in the same familiar rut, than to move outside your comfort zone, and perhaps experience both joys and sadnesses never before experienced.
Anyway, in 1993 my opportunity came. In my job as dispatcher for The National Passenger Railroad (Amtrak), I was offered the opportunity to be part of an elite unit of 18 to move out of state, to Baltimore, Maryland to create a centralized office of dispatchers. Up until then, each area, Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami, etc, dispatched it?s own crews and staffed the trains in it?s section of the USA. I took some time, but as the months passed, I got used to Maryland, and ventured home to New York less and less - One year I believe I only visited once, and that was just to visit my parents, who thank God were and are still living.
I don?t think I really noticed anything different, or missed New York, until that fateful day when disaster struck, September 11, 2001. I can never forget that day. It is indelibly etched in my mind. It was the first day I felt a tinge of the dread that made it so difficult initially to move away.I was lying in bed, half-asleep, half-awake, not needing to get up to prepare for work for several hours more, since I worked the afternoon shift. The television was on CNN. Suddenly the telephone rang. It was a co-worker, asking me if I was going in to work. ??Why? Why shouldn?t I?? I stammered. ??Are you looking at the news?? he asked in this incredible voice, that was so serious and with a tone so ominous, I sat bolt upright.
As my eyes focused, I watched in horror for the first time, as the 2nd World Trade Center tower fell. ??Is this for real??? I asked. He never answered me, knowing my question was more of a rhetorical one uttered out of shock. ??You have family in New York, don?t you??, he asked. With that, I told him I need to go, and hung up. Over the course of 5 hours, I tried in vain to reach family members, 3 who either worked in or near the towers. The dreaded disaster I?d imagined had come to pass. Even though there would have been very little I could of done had I been there, I felt even more helpless miles away.
Well, thank God, none of my family members were hurt or killed, but coming back to New York 1 week later, I can?t explain just how different it felt. It felt so foreign, and yet I felt as close to it as a long lost friend. So many emotions, contradictory emotions welled up in me as I passed The Statue of Liberty on my way into the city. I felt afraid. I felt anxious. I felt like one feels if one has ever been mugged, or has had one?s home burglarized - I felt violated. But at the same time I felt camaraderie, a love, a longing inside me, which said I had been gone too long, and an emptiness inside me that said it would never be the same place ever again. Even the people seemed different. No longer pushy and unaware of the feeling of others, they said please and thank you.
Now when I go to New York, I go to theaters, restaurants, museums and malls I have never before attended. It?s as if I want to memorize each part just in case it isn?t there the next time. In so doing, I have developed a love and appreciation for a city that was once my home; for beauties that were once right at my doorstep - Too many things I hadn’t noticed or appreciated. I guess sometimes it takes tragedy to help one see what is most valuable. But don?t take my word for it - New York is truly one of the most exciting and beautiful cities in the world. Don’t let others convince you it’s a place to fear - Take a friend; take your loved ones, and enjoy what it has to offer - You will be glad you did in the end.