Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Lets butter each other silly show. . I am your host Buttery Sheikh, and I invite you again to witness me buttering and licking my honorable guest with the élan and confidence only I possess. Forget your Rendezvous with Simmi, Shimmi and other kinds of Slimy Silly Ladies, I provide you with much more entertainment to guffaw laugh and smile. Today’s guest is a special person as always – a person who likes me, likes being buttered and licked. We thought of inviting Amul Butter’s head of chief, but I guess he is already too much buttered, hence we decided to call someone else instead! Want to know who that guest is? The wone and wonly chocolately, uttery, buttery Mr. Amul err Richie Khan, more famously known as Amir Khan!! Ladies and gentlemen, let us get our hands together and join them as one and resonate in complete harmony as we welcome our guest – Welcome, welcome, I have been waiting oops, we have been waiting since last week to meet you and discover you as a dream persona.
Wait a minute – not there not there, first let me sprinkle some bread and butter on the chair please – there - now please, with utmost graciousness, lift your behind, and enact the art of sitting sir – If may I please, meanwhile offer you a delicate dose of Sherbeth? Ah! How well you sit – I must say, people must learn the art of sitting from you Mr. Aamir.
Is that a gold button? Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Aamir chose to wear a gold button to our show – please Mr. Aamir, I really appreciate this honor… Shall we begin Mr. Aamir?
(A happy AK quips ‘Yes’)
Ladies and Gentlemen: Let the drums roll
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Aamir-Ji let me begin with your latest stint at the Oscars – seriously its so unfortunate that the committee found your movie not good enough; I mean they can’t appreciate your efforts – you are such a lovable perfectionist! But tell me one, ahem, If you may please, I mean, I don’t want to hurt your sentiments, were you disappointed on not winning the Oscars?
AK: I was so disappointed with the reward. You know I believe that all foreign awards and foreign celebrities are really honest! People are stupid when they say AK only hates Indian Awards. Tsk Tsk!
Of course AK, how could that be possible? We all know what a perfectionist you are. When your wife went from perfectly perfect to out of shape, you promptly divorced her! With this, let me get our first guest on the show. Are you ready for a surprise AK? Lets welcome RGV!
RGV: First and foremost let me tell you I love your show so much! I wish I could be here, but I am sensible… anyways .. Amir?? Oh he is the most caring person in the world! He once saved a chicken from crossing the road!!! When he was acting Munna bhai in my movie, a chicken tried to cross the road and would have been squashed by my Stunt Man riding the bike – You know he dropped Urmila from his arms and saved the chicken! Such a blessed soul really – tell me how many in this world would actually put their life in danger for a chicken?
Agree agree!! We only invite such personalities on the show – ladies and gentlemen, please, a round of applause. Such nuances in real make such people special. I would now also like to invite our second guest today. AK would you take any guesses?
Prince Charles? Bill Clinton? Monica Lewinsky? Steven Spielberg?
That’s why I said it did be a surprise! Welcome Mr. Mahesh Bhatt, Mr. MB as you are fondly called! You worked with AK on DHKMN.
Amir (totally dumbstruck, awed) – I never expected this; I thought I fought with him
This is a show of surprises Aamir – we want to show you that there is no love lost between MB and you. MB – tell me something about Aamir
MB – Aamir is one of a kind person – I mean he is just one. He is perhaps the most gentlemanly person I have met in my life – why even during the shooting of DHKMN, he never once touched my daughter who in those days was more famous for Stardust covers. I must say that Aamir has a long generation of good people – not only him, but his chacha, chachi who live besides my house are lovely too – and so are his children; have u met faisal? his brother? I am sure Farukh you did be floored by him!
Sure indeed! I did be floored – that’s why we err.. – ahem! All right, turn your pretty face towards the screen – good boy – here are some pictures of you when you were young. Ha! (psst- we won’t tell anyone you gave them to us). To audience – ladies just see how cute Aamir was in his teens – and there one in his younger days – Aamir – tum tho bade tumak thallo the? – and there gentle man Aamir in his birthday suit; (giggles) Aamir tum tho…
In the same vein Aamir – look up there at another surprise on the screen.
Beta Aamir – Kaise ho? Do you remember me? When you were young I used to play with you and hold you in my arms? Do you remember Yadoin ki Baraat – you gave such a wonderful performance in the movie. You have achieved what even AB, and rest didn’t achieve beta – Congratulations to you my child. Farukh, I must thank you too for brining me to the show; people have forgotten me and I am honored to speak in honor of Aamir. good luck!
Aamir – err… who was he?
How lovely Aamir – we know you are a perfectionist – ladies and gentleman do you believe it he is actually asking us who that guy was – look at his expression – I am almost believing him here. For sake of audience, he is Aamir’s Grandfather. Ab don’t tell us that you don’t remember him Aamir..
Aamir – I thought he was dead, but err…
There there aamir – now this is too much. Don’t be such a perfectionist that I feel inferior! I think time is passing by now; we all love to be family. You are a great example to your family – once you divorced, your brother too followed suit; its pretty appropriate that he be our last guest and ending to the show be your brother – welcome Faisal.
(Some how the music refuses to play and Faisal walks in)
Welcome Faisal..
Faisal – First of farukh I want to tell everyone that my brother is beeeessst brother in the world! Can there be any brother on earth who did work with me in a film called MELA? That was Aamir at his Philanthropy best.
Philanthropy .. wah wah .. ladies and gentleman, what language, what attire… tell me Faisal how has it been for you all these years under Aamir?
Pretty easily really – he takes care of my family. Kidding – actually Aamir Bhai is like god to us. We don’t do anything without asking him. Ask his friends (Who are not many eh..) or relatives – Aamir from the day he was born was a great soul. You know he once said I am a bad actor!!!
How true indeed… ahem .. well Aamir, the moments are passing, and we cannot keep holding you to the seat – already enough butter has been smattered. Audience, please, arise to give a standing ovation to the man who changed the world of Bollywood.
(mist in his eyes) I am so thrilled to have met you Aamir.
AK – me too; thanks I have to rush to meet Simmi now.