Aha! Finally, a 3 hour 30 minute drag, Bollywood ishtyle!! In recent times, with the editor of the Hindi films finally awaking from his sleep, we were beginning to see the movies being cropped to ‘bearable’ sizes. What’s Your Rashee reminds us that Bollywood is (and always will be) the King of lengthy cinema. Unfortunately, we are reminded of this fact in the most excruciating way possible. Curiosity that arose from Piggy Chops (Priyanka’s) 12 different avatars drove me to watch this film and the curiosity that arose from extreme boredom drove me out of the hall. Ashutosh ji might have pulled off a lengthy period epic like Jodha – Akbar but something tells me that a 4 hour romantic comedy isn’t exactly his forte…
Plot:
Hurman (or is it Hurmann? Wait… maybe Harman?) is a Gujrati hunk who has fulfilled the Indian (cum stereotyped Gujju) dream – land up in America. Now he is an MBA student (and a DJ! Talk about multi tasking) based in Chicago. He gets a call from his family to come back home. Apparently, bade bhaiya is under severe debt and they need the family needs the son who has made them proud to save their skins. There are also some real bhai’s involved (read underworld dons) and everything is on the line. The only way to get out of this seemingly desperate situation is for Mr. America to get married… to a desi girl. For reasons unknown, the grandfather would bequeath some of the family wealth on his marriage and the rest can be recovered with dowry (oops! Did I just say that out loud?). There are ten days to go and the countdown has begun. Bring in the showgirls (I mean, prospective brides). Due to time constraints, he decides to meet only 12 girls, one from each rashee, as ‘there are only 12 kinds of girls’. So, we have Priyanka (and some more Priyanka!) donning several hats, trying to woo Mr. eligible bachelor. Unfortunately, I had to wait for eternity to find out who he picks, because by the end of it, who cares??
Themes:
Just for the sake of mentioning, the movie is based on the novel Kimball Ravenswood (which I haven’t read). I believe, the book would be far more entertaining than this anyway. Bollywood seems to have been struck with the NRI hangover. The protagonist has come all the way from the land of dreams to whisk away a desi chokri. I wonder what happened to all the desi dudes. Are they too busy playing hotchpotch? Maybe, it’s a mandatory criterion for Prince Charming to come home from abroad while still upholding the bhartiya morals and values. With a population which is crying overload, one still has to look elsewhere to find Mr. Right? I guess Yash Raj were right. If these are indeed the tell tale signs, then my prospects look very bright (after all, I am an NRI myself!).
The film tries a novel approach. It’s all about depicting the character rather than face value. At least, that’s what the intention of Ashutosh Gowariker was while casting Piggy Chops in 12 different roles. Frankly, I have to rely on my dead brain cells to recall the characteristics of each of these ‘different’ girls.
First to come is Anjali: Sun sign – Aries. She is the archetypical dream girl who hopes of a Prince Charming from ‘phoren’ (foreign) to sweep her off her feet. So, she tries everything to trap the bakra. She even pretends to love wine and smoke to show her ‘understanding’ of the western culture. There are a few comic moments. Next in line is Sanjana: Sun sign – Aquarius. She is the chokri from Kampala who wants Mr. America to reject her since she is having an affair (or is it love?) with an African. Unfortunately, it takes a little more than noodle straps to play a character convincingly.
Two down, ten to go. Kajal: Sun sign – Gemini. She is the archetypical college going bindaas girl. She falls for the hot hunk with a ‘not so charming’ smile at first glance but wants to keep her options open and not rush into the scheme of things. She wants to wait for a year and see how things turn out. Hansa: Sun sign – Cancer. She is the ‘exploited’ girl left on the streets to live in regret forever (not quite, but so she believes). She is honest and confesses that she is not a “virgin” anymore (Oh Lord! We are living in Vedic times here).
Rajni: Sun sign – Libra. If you have seen Corporate, you can guess this character with a blindfold on. She is the archetypical tough “businesswoman”. She wants a pre-nuptial agreement before she can ‘consider’ marriage. The character gets complicated unnecessarily just to tilt the ‘balance of power’ between males/females. Chandrika: Sun sign – Pisces. Believes in reincarnation and all things that may/may not seem to be. Brings a flavour of unintentional humour.
Oh, we are only half way there! Frankly speaking, I had fell asleep by then, but don’t worry, there were still plenty more to come. There is the moody Leo. Add to that a reinvented Mallika Sherawat cum Sherlyn Chopra who believes that only sex sells. There is also a doctor who wants to ‘change the world’ (but is not quite there yet). Mix in the role that PC perfected in Fashion – the small town girl who wants to be a model. This is probably her best role out of the 12. There is the rich stuck up daughter of a millionaire and even an underage ‘sweet sixteen’ girl who is being forced to get married as her father wants to get rid of her! Plenty of food for thought for the dead brain cells. If only people could stay awake to witness the sparks in between.
The films biggest letdown is the stereotypical treatment of the characters. The director had a great chance to showcase some closer to life characters. Instead, he opts for the obvious. None of the different avatars strike a connection with the audience. The viewer feels disconnected and distanced from the happenings on the screen. With a length of over 3 and half hours, this is close to torture. Still, there are instances where the screen lights up to bring a smile to your face.
Cast:
This is Piggy Chops’ movie. Nobody can take that away from her. Unfortunately, 12 roles prove to be a bit too much. She tries hard, but most of the characters portrayed showcase only surface charisma and lack depth. Maybe, that’s the writer’s fault. Harman (however he spells his name) once again dons the mantle of supporting cast. He can dance, but unfortunately, that’s the best he can do. Still he tries. The scene stealer for me was Darshan Jariwala (who plays the uncle). Watching him was an unusual treat in this tragic affair. The elder brother Jitu (Dilip Joshi) was also good. 13 songs! 12 for each girl and one thrown in just to add to the misery… Unfortunately, this is no Hum Aapke Hain Kaun and only 2 songs stand out for me. ‘Su che..’ and ‘aaja laharate’ are hummable. Rest is, unfortunately, mediocre stuff. Watch it only if you are a diehard PC fan (even then you might find it hard). This film’s rashee has gone to the dogs…