• I got drunk last night and my house wasn't where I left it.

• What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

• What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks

• Doctor: "Liquor is a slow poison for you." Patient: "It’s all-right. I’m not in a hurry."

• A drunk goes to court. The judge says, ‘You’ve been brought here for drinking.’ The drunk says, ‘Great. Let’s get started.’

• A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."

• Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

• You forgot I only drink on days that end with a "Y".

• A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working.