The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The patient said, "Give me the good news."
"They're going to name a disease after you."
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The senior civil servant went to the doctor and complained of being unable to sleep.
Doctor: 'Oh! Don't you sleep at night?'
Civil servant: 'Yes, I sleep very well at night. And I sleep quite soundly most of the mornings, too - but I find it's very difficult to sleep in the afternoons as well.'
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Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!
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Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
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Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
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Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
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Patient: Doctor, I feel there are two of me.
Doctor : Very well, I shall see you, one at a time.
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There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery ..... as to why the deaths at 11 AM.
So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. On the next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits ... Just then, when the clock struck 11...
Shantabai, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that she could use the vacuum cleaner!!!!!!!
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A fat lady: (To a health expert). Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness.
Health expert: Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time.
Fat lady: At which particular time?
Health expert: Whenever anybody asks you to eat.
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Patient: Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?
Doctor: That is what I want to find out myself.
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Woman patient : Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die.
Doctor : You did the right thing to call me.
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Doctor to woman: What is the matter about your husband?
Woman: He is worrying about money.
Doctor: I think I can relieve him of that.
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The old doctor still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to a patient Sharma's house.
Mrs. Sharma was in terrible pain.
The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Sharma, "Do you have a hammer?"
A puzzled Mr. Sharma went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom.
A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?"
Mr. Sharma complied with the request.
In the next ten minutes, the doctor asked for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver, and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Sharma. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?"
"Not a thing," replied the old doctor, "I can't get my instrument bag open."