Well, well. There is no business like gamily business. And if it is show business, then it translates into lot of free publicity and eyeballs. This is what the Bachchans want and IIFA provided the desirable platform. The function in its 10th year was held at Macau on July 5, 2009.

Let’s begin at the very beginning. Amitabh is talking to the compere. Jaya joins the scenario on the pretext of removing the non-existent invisible speck of dirt from Amitabh’s cheek. It takes her nearly 20 – 25 seconds. Wow. A great show indeed. She has to move finally. Sad. IIFA of course is family business. Others are mere fillers in.

Hrithik Roshan, Govinda and Anil Kapoor stole a march over the audience. Hrithik is in great demand. With his new looks, he looks out of the world and right out of Hollywood frame. In walks the fat blob Aishwarya Rai wearing green (she has to take up some cause, here it is environment. Phew! She at least knows what is green!) on the arms of Abhishek. She looks broader with each passing day.

Both must practice the lovey dovey couple at least a month before. Their performance was so forced. She looked tired performing the same act again and again in real life. If there are no reel life offers, Aish ‘baby’ this should be the role of the lifetime. He was visibly uncomfortable. Her churlish laughter was jarring on the ears. She is reliving her teen/twenty phase. Mid-thirties can be mid-life crises.

Then Amitabh took the centre stage. (Who else could dare do that at IIFA?) He sang platitudes about IIFA. Post this scenario, the award function was a show of strength for Jodha Akbar (JA). And why not? That was the only hit of last year for Aish baby. (And I thought Ghajini was the blockbuster. Poor me!) JA swept with 10 awards while poor Ghajini got a mere four! (I guess it was by mistake or magnanimity on IIFA’s part.)

And another gross mistake was the Star of the Decade Award Male that went by mistake to ‘Shah Rukh Khan’ (who was conspicuous by his absence). SRK didn’t deserve it. Shouldn’t the award be presented to Amitabh or Abhishek? I think this was overlooked by the IIFA committee (read the Bachchans). How could this error happen? Perhaps it will be rectified next year. Never mind.

Not only SRK, even Aamir, Salman, Saif and Akshay Kumar made their presence felt by being absent. Katrina couldn’t be found or else she would be the sole limelight hogger. Who were present were a host of aspiring starlets or ones desiring publicity barring a few well-known faces. The star dust was solely missing.

And then the two big awards were (especially created and) presented to (who else) Aish baby - Outstanding Achievement by an Indian in International Cinema and Star of the Decade – Female. IIFA committee comes across as ignoramus if they could present the first one to Aish.

Since the award was in general, shouldn’t it rightly go to Naseeruddin Shah or Om Puri or Irfan Khan. Tom Hanks doesn’t even know of Aish’s existence (poor guy!) She has acted in NRI English movies. There is no Hollywood flick she has acted in. But then that is splitting hair. Suffice it to say, she got an award. (If not at IIFA then where else can she get it? Or else she has to sponsor or buy one for herself.)

When Karisma Kapoor, Preity Zinta, Rani Mukherji or the leader of the decade Kajol is still there, beats me how Aish got the second award. But then if Aish won’t get it this year, she will end up waiting till next year. Next year third outrageous category award will be instituted for Aish baby. Jai ho IIFA.

And her thanks giving was enlightening. She informed everyone her dad was fine now. (And daddy dear is seen smiling. From hospital straight to IIFA! Wow.) She thanks Ma and Pa too for supporting her. (Both Amitabh and Jaya must be cringing inside.) And she goes on and on. She must practice more to come up with credible ‘live’ performance. It was all just too forced.

And how could she forget hubby dear. It seems Abhishek is the best husband in the world. And how would Aish baby know that? (that’s being too naughty on my part.) She went on and on that it looked she was giving her ‘lifetime’ award speech. Or this was the only platform she found this year. Phew!

And let’s not forget Abhishek. If Aish could ‘perform’ how could he be left behind (in performing, silly!) So there was a special award for him too - Best Actor in a Comic Role. He got it for Dostana. (Wonder what John Abraham did in the movie! OK OK. Let’s not split hair again.)